20 things about life I have learned at 28.

1. Loving someone is not easy and passive. It's hard and active. You must put in the work every day. I think we often times forget that. We always think the backburner is a glorious place, but I am here to tell you the back burner is one where it is gritty, it is sometimes hard to clean up the mess and often times gets forgotten. But, I think it does a great job at showing up for love. It patches up holes and it fills the void. its active, babe.

2. go on adventures. lots of them. and do things that scare you. That is how you will unlearn fear. Each time you step out of your comfort zone, you aren't giving fear a love story to write about. So just do the damn thing. Freaking do it. 

3. Don't apologize for what you feel. Your feelings are valid. It's been such a hard concept for me to grasp for so many years, but it's so freeing when you finally look yourself in the mirror and proclaim that it's okay to feel things. It's okay to be unapologetic for those feelings. feelings are cool, promise. 

4. The process is a hard place. But if you learn to love it, you will be filled with more joy than hardship. Learning to love the process has been the biggest game changer for me. It's taught me the importance of giving yourself grace for the things you are facing. People always want to skip the process, but in those moments you learn so much more about who you are. 

5. Peace is a promise Jesus keeps. Joy is also a promise he keeps. You will find your joy again.
I wish I could tell you how many times I have seen the hand of God on my anxieties. He shows up, love. 

6. Just because you cannot see the victory doesn't mean there isn't any on the other side. It's in the small things, in the everyday moments. You're going to see a victory. Whatever it is that you are currently wresting with. The battle belongs to the Lord. remind yourself that on the hard days. and even on the good. 

7. Long walks cure a lot of things. Get some Vitamin D. Get that sunshine, work those muscles. You will always feel better after the walk. 

8. Donuts and deep talks make me the happiest. Honestly, the best conversations happen over donuts.

9. You can let go of someone and everything can change in a blink. You can also meet someone and everything can change in a blink. I think life is a series of letting go moments, and moments we need to just grasp new things. and that has to be okay.

10. karaoke parties in your car can make any ride the best. I am a firm believer in this. 100%. 

11. Hug your dad more and tell him you love him more often, too. Ask him about his favorite things and write them down. 

12. Spend time sitting talking to your mom over coffee as you watch E! News. It won't be like that forever. and one day you are going to miss it. 

13. Wherever you are on a map - you're okay.
trust me, your life does not need to be rushed. you are meant to be where your feet are.

14. There are some really good people you'll meet along the way. Keep them close. you'll meet them at the perfect time. It's not a coincidence.
I promise people cross your path on purpose. It's so beautiful the way God orchestrates it all. I love it.

15. speaking in front of people isn't scary, and one day you'll understand the power of your words. Your words have the ability to move mountains, darling. be brave and speak beautiful things into existence.

16. God's promises are written in the sky. Look up more. They are in the sunsets, in the way the sun rises with shades of orange and red and pinks. when it rains, the rainbows send reminders of promise.

17. Rest is essential to a healthy life.
I used to be the girl who was always on the go. But I realized if you don't give yourself time to rest, you will always avoid the silence and it will follow you. You will experience burn out. Make sure you take moments to just reset. 

18. sometimes, the most ground shaking, heart ripping, mountain breaking thing God can do is change our hearts in one year. Be proud of how freaking far you've come this year.
seriously. celebrate it. you deserve to rejoice in the new. 

19. you are capable of being loved, girl. You are capable of loving another person.
you are worthy of all the things you used to apologize for. you are whole. you are enough.
scream it on the mountains. you are good enough, my love.

20. stay a little longer in one place. don't escape the hard. don't ghost people because you don't want to see them anymore. don't avoid the conversations. STAY. stay because the best things happen in the staying. get to know things and people past the surface, baby. 

There are so many life lessons I have learned thus far, so many things I want to tell my younger self. I think life is only as hard as we make it out to be. I think life could be a lot more simpler if we just learned how to dig deeper into the lives of those around us and ourselves. I think love could be brighter if we just learned to lay down the sword. I believe we are all just people trying to make it in a world that has taught us so hard how to be hardcore. So here are 20 things I am telling myself lately and 20 things I want to tell you - scream it on top of the mounatains if you must. Keep them in your pocket and remind yourself that you are wildly capable of good. 

XO, J. 

Friday feels.

 I wish I could tell you how sad i was this week.

Sad because I expected things from people and got really let down.
Sad because the text never came.
Sad because I realized I have to quit my job due to health reasons.
Sad because I miss my sister. 

Sad because at 28 life is supposed to be different.

I know in my heart God doesn't owe you anything but you have to just trust him. You have to bow your head and pray and let him. So when things get sad, I've learned to write it out. It's all Ive ever known - I guess its a blessing and curse at the same time. I just pray my words overflow goodness even in the heartache. even in the not so glamourous my words speak love only. 

The last month has been extremely draining on me. Tomorrow will be the first day in a month that I don't work. I've been working two jobs trying to save up enough money to move out, to finally do something on my own that I have been trying to do. I didn't realize it, but the non stop work has made me lonelier than I ever thought imaginable. 


I don't talk to many people through my week. I simply go to work with 6 year olds and I play with them all day - 8 hours a day and then I go to the coffee shop and make drinks for another 5 hours. 
I come home and I sleep. 

I don't talk to my sister much - we once were the best of friends and I am still trying to figure out just what I did to make her hate me so much. But I miss the way we used to talk and go to dinner. I'm not sure I 

I met this really nice guy a few weeks ago. and I thought that we would work out - even if it wasn't for the long run - for a little while. We texted and talked and one day, out of the blue, he just decided I wasn't it. He never returned my text, never told me anything and I think that is even worse than telling me I just wasn't the one. 
Usually things like that don't fuck me up that much, but something about the timing and the high I felt, truly made the crash hurt even more. 
I wish he would still just tell me. 

It's been really hard for me to be open about my life lately. It feel so foreign and not the same as it once was. I am afraid of what people will say or think about me if i am anything but happy and joyful. But that is the real problem - we have become people who think people just complain when they aren't showing off their joyful selves. and I hate that. 

I am trying to be better at opening up again. 
So this is my first attempt. 

I know that the storms of life will pass and the flowers will bloom again. I know that life has the best, most beautiful kind of moments, too. And I sure as hell have felt them. I think this week just ruined my in ways that set me back again. 

I know God is for me and not against me. So I am trying. and I will go into the next week with so much more hope and clarity - even if it takes some internal convincing. 

here's a rant for the night. 

Goodnight. 
XO, J. 

MAGIC.

The last time I wrote was a few days before my 28th birthday. It's crazy how quickly time flies and how long I can go without writing when this was once my saving grace. 

This summer taught me a lot about myself, about my past and more so; about who I want to be in the future. 
It showed me what grace looks like - and let me tell y'all, grace is freaking hard. 
I always believed I was somebody who let go and forgave easily, and maybe I still am that girl, but when someone wrongs you in a way that hurts the very center of your heart without apology, it sinks deeper and sticks more than you once thought could. 

It taught me that there's a difference between being a woman who is independent and a woman who doesn't know how to properly let people close to her. 
All of 2021 I made this promise to myself that I would let go of this need to lean on people. I became so fragile to promise, to authentic love and friendship. I let this idea that shattered glass could not be completely picked up off the ground, so why even try to pick it up. 

Many nights I prayed that God would show up in the face of something. So with many sleepless nights. I chose how to catch flights, leave the feelings behind and unlearn passive phases of my life. 

I got really freaking good at doing life alone. 
and quite frankly, I loved it. 

I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I booked tickets left and right, back and forth and I saw people less until one day I understood the epitome of what lonely feels like. 

Growing up, I was always lonely. I let my anxiety get the best of me, that it left me with just a guitar and my solitude. 
When I turned 20, I knew that was absolutely who I didn't want to be anyone - alone. 

I once heard one of my favorite speakers say this quote and it said, "show up and stay." 
I remember her elaborating on what those words meant to her and with my glistening eyes and open ears, I let it become my life mantra. 

I carried those words in my pocket with me so I could never forget to become a person who shows up and stays. 
I had been terrified the lonely when I left high school that I no longer wanted to be that anymore nor let another person I met become that, too. 

So I made friend after friend and I let my house become a home while I let my heart become more open to every story stamped on it. 

I think somewhere in the past two years, I became afraid of those words when I saw so many people's seasons change and shift and friends come and go like socks. 

Was I someone who just didn't care enough? someone who shared too much? someone who felt too much when she shouldn't of felt much at all? 

I was sitting in the passenger seat on highway 20 crossing the georgia carolina state line when it all hit me. It was in that moment I realized how much I missed being with my friends, how life was so much more than not being open like I once was before. 

I remember tearing up looking out that window at the fields of green, knowing this two week trip with two of my closest friends was about to come to an end. How badly I just wanted to stay in a moment that I missed so much, a moment that meant more to me than I thought would. 

I realized this past summer that I am so tired of doing life against the grain and it's okay to be a person who loves hard, cares too much and feels it all. 

It's September. 
I'm releaning a lot of things. I am leaning into things I pushed away for a long time and I am smiling through it. 
And I am trying to be a woman who leans closely again. Someone who is brave to feel deep things and someone who isn't afraid to cry. 
There are seasons for everything. 
Some seasons teach you the depth of yourself, while others teach you how to hold hands with those who need a hand. 

I thank God that He showed me beauty in the solitude; in the breaking. 
I wouldn't understand the importance of finding out who you are and doing it on purpose. I wouldn't know the feeling of driving some place alone and parking your RAV4 by the sand and praying like your life was only dependent on that prayer. 

It's September. The leaves are going to change soon, (I hope) and the weather will become cooler. And in the midst of all the change, I hope you allow yourself to welcome in the change, the new and the bright with so much hope and grace. 

I feel it. 
I hope you find magic in the details of it all, too. 

XO, J.