A DIFFERENT KIND OF BREATH PRAYER, MY LOVE.

October is my favorite month of the year. 
It's the one month of the entire year that I have always seen the face of Jesus more than the any other month. 
There's something about the change of weather that puts my heart in a space of stillness and this peace that overflows in the chaos of the world. 
Every time October comes around I am always reminded of the miracles that come when you truly sit in the stillness and wait on the Lord. 

as we approach the end of the year, where things get noisy and loud -- I like to refine my mind and heart to turn to moments of quietness. 
We live in such a world where it's so easy to get caught up in the chaos of what is happening around us that I feel we miss what God wants to do in us. 

There's a story in 1 Kings 19 I like to go back to a lot during the fall because it's such a prominent reminder that God whispers in the spaces we least expect it and shows us His guiding hand. In this story, we see Elijah encounter God on Mount Horeb. Elijah finds himself in a cave, where he experiences a profound revelation of God's presence. (V.11-13) After facing immense challenges and threats to his life, he was so desperate and fled as he wanted to die. But on Mount Horeb, God reveled himself to Elijah. Though winds, earthquake and fire were loud, Elijah heard a small voice in it all and The Lord showed up right then and there. I absolutely love this because it's such a reminder that often times God shows up in the gentle and most intimate moments of our lives, when we are forced to pause and reflect through all of life's noise. 

Our world is saturated with constant loudness, it takes so much discernment and discipline to listen for that quiet voice that maybe God wants to show up in. 

THAT is why I love October. It's kind of like the calm before the storm for me. The summer has ended and the winter is near, but we have not quite yet touched the miracles that are about to come, but we are on the tip of all the beauty if we lean closely to the small whisper of His voice. 

I get all these weird butterfly feelings for October. It's like the type of butterflies that feel to me that although this year hasn't been all that I hoped for, that God can still do so much with the last three months if I keep on inviting Him into the corners of my heart without filter. 

To be completely honest here, this year has been one filled with so much hardship. It's rocked my life and it's taught me how to lean on the Truth of Christ more than ever. But it's looked a lot like dying to fleshly self over and over again. 
it's been a lot of repeated prayers and wondering if God even hears me some days. (even though I know He does) but it's like a constant knocking on the door and waiting if He will open it. 

I was having a conversation with my friend the other day about this very thing. How this whole year has looked a lot like not understanding and as much as we've spent so much time in prayer we were just defeated with feeling as if a weariness has flooded over us this past summer. 

as we kept talking through our frustrations I was telling her that sometimes we need to shift the prayer. and maybe all God wants is for us to be honest with Him; like fully honest about what we feel in this moment and maybe we needed to find a new kind of prayer this month.

Lately, the "I don't get it's" of life have been tearing me up and then I thought, maybe that is it. Maybe that's the prayer. 
I DON'T GET IT. 
four simple words. 
That's it. That's the entire prayer. 

it's honest, which I think God loves. 
it's boldness. 
it's raw. 

It's all I think about when I see another tragedy on TV or I get another letdown in life. It's what goes through my mind when someone close to me is hurting or I hear of stories that don't make sense. 

I just don't get it.
so maybe that's the prayer I take to Jesus this October. 
maybe those are the words that open the floodgates for The Lord to open my eyes and for Him to show His face. 

It's kind of like an admission that this life is wild and so much of it is out of our control. And sometimes it feels like our prayers are getting lost in transit. 

This "I DONT GET IT" prayer is a way of coming back to God and saying, " I just don't know and I don't always like it. My heart is weary but I am still here and I am still showing up to the day, I still trust You and who You are." 
and then the bravery, my love, comes after the Amen of that.

I know God can do so much with our simple little prayers. 
and I am really big on breath prayers.
Breath prayers are itty bitty prayers that you recite over and over again while anchoring yourself into the promises of God and His word. 

Timothy Keller says, "All [True] prayer, pursued far enough, becomes praise. Any prayer, no matter how desperate it's origin, no matter how angry and fearful the experiences it traverses, ends up in praise."

and that is so freaking true. 
So now I go back to that story in 1 Kings and I remind myself that I must trust in who God says He is and His power, even when things feel and look different than I expect.
But if we don't indulge ourselves into His word and scripture, than hearing that voice will be tough and so much harder to hear. Because of Elijah's unwavering faith and obedience to God, even in the noise he was able to hear that small voice in the hardship and the confusion. 
I want to be like Elijah. 
So I encourage you this October to just dive into the heart of Jesus fully, letting Him make melodies over your life this Fall. 

Psalm 46:10 says, "be still and know that I am God" 
So this October, find the space to quiet your mind and your heart and create space to hear God's voice. 
I believe God is going to do so much in this month. 
I always do. 
and I always see that. 
So my love, whatever you are praying for, hoping for, waiting on, let go of it and just be honest with The Lord. 
Let your "I don't get it" prayer be loud and let God hold your hand through it. 

keep going, little fighter. 
Keep pressing forth. 
I am cheering you on. 

XO, J.