"Get through the bullshit with a kind heart," I tell myself in my mirror. To remain soft in a world that is so cruel, so twisted and so messed up some days. I think the hardest part of this whole life thing is to be the one who stays kind in the face of assholes. staying kind in the face of shitty life situations.
that's always been my downfall growing up - I was too nice; too passive. My mom always told me I love too hard and she was afraid if I gave love away like confetti people would use my heart like it didn't mean much at all.
That has always stuck with me. There is so much to be said about loving too much and not loving at all. Some days I don't even know which is worse.
But when the day is done, I have to believe that the right people will always stay. The right people will always show up. The good ones will never ghost you in the dark.
So many times in my 20's did I want to be someone who embodies a meaner persona. I never understood how some people can sweep things under the rug so quickly, how you can care one day and not care the next. so many times I wanted to be that person. - the one who didn't care deeply.
But being someone who doesn't care takes away from the craft. the craft of so delicately placing art where most don't see art at all. or can see past the facade. I've come to realize that those who love so deeply are the ones who see beauty where beauty can't be found.
So I gave up trying to cover up the heart God gave me.
I turned 29 on Saturday. I've been thinking of differnt mantras I want to carry with me into my last year of my 20's. Something that matters, something that is hard and challenging. and so I think I found it: Get through the bullshit with a kind heart.
Because it's so hard to look someone in the eyes and not be angry when they've done you dirty. Because it's so tough to find beauty in the dark days. Because it's so brutal to smile in the face of sad.
It doesn't dismiss the part that you can be upset of lowly - you are allowed to feel those things, but to not let them overcome who you are ; thats the challenging part.
so I think that's what 29 will be.
I don't want to leave my 20's without reminding myself to stay kind in the eyes of adversity.
I want to hold onto this year knowing I didn't give into the lies of the world.
I want to understand the beauty in the breaking and find art in the details.
so here is my word to you - don't let assholes and let the shitty things life throws at you change you. Look at yourself in the mirror: get through the bullshit with a kind heart.
XO, J
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