A LETTER TO 27.

27. 

I keep looking back on this year and ponder just how much I grew as a person. The way God took my sorrows and turned them into joy, the way I learned to dance in the rain and put myself first. It was the way I began to learn which moments to say 'yes' to and when to say 'no', when no is deserved. I learned more things that I can count, and I unlearned so many toxic things I needed to fully let go of. 

I graduated from college the day of my birthday, with a BA in Sociology with a full 4.0, and the highest score on my senior thesis. Something I didn't think I was capable of, to be honest. 

I spent half my summer traveling up and down the coast and flying back and forth from CA to TN. I said yes to dates and wasn't afraid of meeting love again after a massive heartbreak that tore me up. 

I forgave myself for writing about people I once loved - that took months of prayer; and I made a whole brand-new website and tried and tried again to conquer my fears. IN WHICH I DID. 

I got a brand new job in child welfare and began working one on one with students that need extra behavioral and physical help in school. I am 8 months into it and I couldn't even begin to tell you the way God has softened my heart towards low income students, foster care and 5 year olds. It seriously is so cool. 

I bought a new car, I got rid of my old one because it had too many bad memories. ha ha ha.. im serious though. 

I wrote 12 songs, a full album with no reservation.. just feelings and was so happy i did. 

I got super honest with my relationship with Christ. I spent so much of 26 angry at God, so angry at the way I believed He promised me things only to take them away.. how silly of me. I talk to Jesus again and I am learning baby steps in trusting Him all over again and it's beautiful, oh so freaking beautiful. 

I left rooms that no longer serve me. I closed doors on friendships that no longer lift me up in a christ like manner. I only enter rooms that are filled with encouragement, mutual connection and don't gossip. I walked into new ones that have been the biggest blessing. 

I actually became really private with my life. Something I needed to do in order to grow, today. 

I found healing. like crazy healing. I learned how to smile again. Like that smile you feel when you actually feel it in your heart and you are just filled with joy. i missed that.

I started designing wedding signs for people and being proud of my work. I am unafraid of failure and excited. 

I stopped doubting myself and my dreams. I said hell yes to saving up, getting two jobs and looking to move across the states. 

I talked to my dad more. I missed that and I love him. 

I spent more days with my mom and actually talked to her about deeper things. gosh, shes my best friend. 

I loved myself. I accepted my flaws and found confidence in the woman I am growing to be. 

I bought more concert tickets that I should've, but dang I missed live music. 

I bought so many one way plane tickets and last minute flights that I think I am really good at traveling now. 

I understood that people are people, feelings change, people change, lives change just like the weather. and you must accept that. 

This year has been my biggest testimony and I wish I could sit down with people and just tell them the way God works, how he intervenes and how he makes melodies over us if we let him. 

I overcame so much brokenness and God gave me a new lens to see through - one that I prayed for SO LONG to see. 

27, you were a hell of a ride. I always say that every year is going to be the "best damn year" when a new one begins, but I swear this past one was actually that. For so many reasons, but at the core of it, I think I spent so much time alone - and loving it, that I finally have found so much joy in the details, so much love between the lines and hope written in the sky. 

It might be hard for 28 to outrun 27, but I am so hopeful for this new chapter; this new year. 

so here's to the last weeks of twenty seven. 

let's do it.

xo. J.